Equality Florida today called on lawmakers to abandon the so called “Don’t Say Gay” bill. It argues the legislation is overly broad and will lead to unintended consequences. 

Todd Delmay, one of the first five plaintiffs in the gay marriage law suit that legalized marriage between same sex partners told of having to have his husband adopt because gay couples were prohibited from adopting. Now he says the legislation will hurt not help kids.

“If this bill had been in force, and one of my sons classmates had said, why does Blake have two dads? The teacher would have been forced to say go home and talk to your parents about that. That isn’;t right. It would have shamed my son, and it would have made all the other students think what’s wrong with Blakes family that we can’t even discuss it at school.”

And Equality Florida says if the Don’t Say Gay Legislation becomes law, it will erase every conversation from the classroom about being gay or transgender.

Permanent alimony would end under the legislation. It would be replaced with a formula based on the length of a marriage.

And for the first time, the change is being supported by the Family law section of the Florida Bar.

Philip Wartenberg is the Family Law Chair Elect, and told the committee “This is something the section has historically opposed, but we believe the time has come to move away from this concept of permanent alimony.”

The most controversial provision says child custody issues begin with a presumption that parents will share time equally.

“What would happen is you will have a huge hurdle, this presumption, before you even get to the 20 factors” says Wartenberg.

Before the bill was approved by the House Civil Justice Sub Committee sponsor Jenna Persons-Mulicka (R-Ft. Myers) said there was one goal.

“To insure that this leads to a better system that provides predictability. That provides certainty and fairness.”

Anna Eskamani voted no.

“When you have a fifty-fifty assumption, it can tie a judge’s hands.”

The sponsor twice refused to talk with us about the legislation.

What we would have asked is why the sponsor included the presumption that parents would share children equally. That has killed the bill in the past.

And Barbara Devane of Florida NOW told us the threat of child sharing is often used as leverage.

“To get them to agree to something that is not in their financial economic interests, or the child’s” says Devane. 

The legislation also creates an avenue for the payor of alimony to seek to lower the amount or end it altogether when someone reaches retirement age.

Under current Florida law a judge evaluates 17 to 20 factors to decide child custody. It would remain, but the fear is it will take a back seat to the 50/50 sharing provision.

During divorces, kids are often become weapons with parents bargaining for more or less time in exchange for a more or less alimony.

The alimony reform legislation would have set a presumption that parents will share kids equally.

“There is a parent who is an active addict. This would presume that fifty-fifty is in the best interests of the child?” Said Representative Emily Slosberg.

“So, Absolutely not,” said House sponsor Representative Alex Rodrigues in response.

The time sharing gave rise to dozens of questions on the House Floor.

“And like in any other court case, you prove that and the judge will determine is that parent is able to care for their child or not,” said Rodrigues.

Current law outlines 17 factors judges must consider in custody awards, everything from whether there has been abuse, neglect or drug use.

“The judge will still have to abide by those seventeen to twenty factors,” said Rodrigues.

The 50/50 time sharing is not in the Senate version of the bill.

It is also what caused the reform to be vetoed the first time it passed in 2013.

The bill also caps the length of alimony to half the length of a marriage, but a last minute amendment by the sponsor increases the length for marriages lasting longer than 20 years.

“The judge may order alimony for up to seventy-five percent of the marriage rather than the fifty in the underlying bill,” said Rodrigues.

And late Tuesday afternoon, it became clear the bill could not survive the Senate Rules Committee.

Sponsor Joe Gruters pulled it for the rest of this year, saying it will be back next year.

Unclear is whether the House will spend hours debating and passing alimony reform Wednesday on the hope the legislation can be revived in the Senate.

Under the legislation, alimony payments could only last for half the length of a marriage, unless the recipient is medically needy or caring for a disabled child.

Both men and women making endless payments to their exes testified in support.

“I can barely pay this monthly alimony and I don’t see any end in sight,” said permanent alimony payer Sonia Delgado.

Tim Kruger said he can’t marry his girlfriend, because her income would be factored into his alimony and increase his payments.

“My pastor says I’m going to Hell and my attorney says don’t marry her,” said Kruger, who is also paying permanent alimony.

Opponents, mostly attorneys with the Florida Bar Family Law Section, argued the change will hurt the most vulnerable.

“That’s low income families that can’t afford attorneys,” said family law attorney Beth Luna.

But it’s another provision in the bill causing the most controversy.

During a divorce proceeding courts would start with a presumption both parents should be entitled to an equal time-share of their children.

“That’s sort of a one size fits all approach,” said Representative Ben Diamond, a Democrat.

Even some Republican lawmakers expressed hesitations.

“My parents didn’t get along and so the 50/50 child sharing would not have worked for them,” said Republican Representative Elizabeth Fetterhoff.

Similar legislation has been passed twice, but was vetoed both times by then-Governor Rick Scott.

Even though the legislation wouldn’t help those currently stuck in alimony-limbo, Delgado believes the status quo isn’t working.

“And that makes marriage in Florida seem like a liability more than a happiness,” said Delgado.

The bill now moves to the House floor and has one more committee stop in the Senate.

If passed, the changes would apply to all divorces in which a final order has not been issued prior to July 1st 2021.

Legislation heard Monday afternoon in a Senate Committee would end permanent alimony and set in law formulas for how much and how long a spouse would make or receive payments.

Deborah Favata-Shultz, a physician from Apollo Beach, has been paying alimony for 17 years.

“I’ve paid alimony as long as we were married,” said Shultz.

Under proposed sweeping changes, alimony would no longer be permanent, but limited to half the time of the marriage.

“I am 68 years old. I want to retire. I don’t know how I am going to do that if I have to keep paying him this money,” said Shultz.

Senate Sponsor Joe Gruters said alimony will also end at retirement.

“This doesn’t end alimony. It just ends permanent alimony. But on top of that, you still get 50 percent of all marital assets,” said Gruters.

Under current law, alimony only ends when a spouse gets remarried or a court agrees, but this legislation ends alimony if someone is getting substantial support like living with someone who is helping pay the bills.

“What happens is that they just will never remarry because it’s not in their best interests. And ultimately, it’s cheating the system,” said Rep. Anthony Rodriquez, who is sponsoring the bill in the House.

The Florida National Organization for Women has fought the changes for a decade.

“That woman will be punished for staying home and talking care of the children, while her husband is out advancing his career, and then casting her aside,” said Barbara DeVane with Florida NOW.

The legislation does make it easier for either spouse to go back to court to seek a modification, up or down.

The bill also says there is a presumption spouses will share children equally.

Similar ideas were vetoed by then Governor Rick Scott in 2013 and again in 2016.

There were 156,168 marriages in Florida in 2018, and nearly half as many divorces.

One estimate is that divorce is costing Florida taxpayers nearly $2 billion a year in direct and indirect costs such as court time and welfare payments, but legislation hopes to strengthen marriages by requiring couples read a privately produced guide to a healthy marriage as a condition of getting a marriage license.

At least five states already require couples to read a marriage guide before they can be wed.

Florida would be the next if sponsor Dennis Baxley has his way.

“This is a tool just to foster discussion. And there are five states where they are doing this with success and have seen their divorce rates go down, which means they are having healthier families,” said Baxley.

The publication is more like a glossy magazine than the currently required Florida bar pamphlet.

Reading one or the other would be acceptable under the legislation that has cleared House and Senate committees.

“And how they are going to resolve differences when they disagree. How they are going to prioritize family spending,” said Baxley.

The Utah publication encourages people to find the positives in their spouses and even encourages readers to make a list.

There is also a quiz on how well you know your husband or wife.

“It’s the height of hypocrisy,” said Barbara DeVane with the Florida chapter of the National Organization for Women.

DeVane questions lawmakers own marital commitment.

“They come in with one spouse, they go out with another, or they get caught with their mistress. And the women too. There have been women who have done this,” said DeVane.

The Legislation initially stalled when there was a six member committee that was going to decide what went into the pamphlet.

There were fears it would be political, but once the committee came out, the legislation started moving.

Clerks of Court would be required to post the publication on their websites and and hand out copies when available.

The cost would be born by private family groups.

What is the secret to a healthy marriage?

While that question may never truly be answered, a group of Florida lawmakers believe the state isn’t doing enough to help new marriages succeed.

“The present handbook that we give has a few pages that are nice and then it goes to about 16 pages of how to get a divorce,” said Senator Dennis Baxley.

Baxely is backing a bill that would provide couples seeking a marriage license with an informational package full of marriage advice and resources.

“Things like family expectations. What I am expecting out of the marriage and this life together,” said Baxley. “Things like conflict resolution. If we have a difference what are our signals? How are we going to communicate that so that we are effective instead of just having an all out war and throwing the kitchen sink at each other?”

Richard Albertson with Live the Life, said the guides would help couples steer couples to the existing marriage resources in the state.

“If we give that to them in their handbook right when they get married you can really help couples down the road when they hit that bump in the road and they’re struggling and they’re having a rough time to get some help,” said Albertson.

The guides would be developed and distributed through private funds so there would be no cost to taxpayers, unlike the state’s divorce rate, which stands at nearly 50 percent.

House Sponsor Clay Yarborough said divorce takes a toll on every part of society, including about $2 billion from tax payers’ wallets.

“You’re talking about temporary assistance for needy families, the child welfare system, the juvenile justice system, Medicaid,” said Yarborough.

Those seeking a marriage license would have to sign off saying they’ve received and read the guide, but sponsors said whether couples follow the advice is out of their hands.

The bill sponsors also emphasized the guides would focus strictly on themes universal to both gay and straight marriages.

A battle over alimony is back in front of lawmakers for the first time in three years.

Reformers are seeking to do away with permanent alimony and create guidelines that would make alimony awards more uniform across the state.

Elisa Del Ray married an abusive husband.

She finally got the courage to get a divorce when he threatened her with a gun.

“I would have never imagined that I would be paying permanently, alimony to my abuser,” said Del Ray speaking to lawmakers in a committee Thursday.

Del Ray’s case is extreme, but it’s part of the reason alimony reformers want an end to permanent alimony in the state of Florida.

“The main thing that permanent alimony payers want is to see the light at the end of the tunnel because a lot of them just have this sense of hopelessness,” said Alan Elkins with Florida Family Fairness.

Reformers are asked lawmakers during a panel discussion to limit alimony to half the length of a marriage and put in place a standard formula to calculate alimony payments to ensure consistency.

The idea has the attention of Rep. Bob Rommel.

“I do want to look at whether there’s a fair formula for the majority of cases. I know in some divorces there’s always extreme circumstances,” said Rommel.

But family law advocates say cost of living and lifestyles differ across the state.

“And when you try to put that in a box and create a formula for that it makes it very difficult to be fair to everyone,” said Andrea Reid with the Florida Bar Family Law Section.

In 2016 a bill which included guidelines for alimony payments was approved by lawmakers.

It was vetoed by then Governor Rick Scott, but now there’s a new Governor and new optimism for reformers.

No bill has been formally introduced yet, but supporters have retained two of the most powerful lobbying groups in the state capital.

One change both reformers and family law advocates do agree on is that after a person retires they should be able to stop making alimony payments.

Legal marijuana advocate John Morgan, who lead the drive for medical marijuana says he is encouraged by new polling showing 67% of likely voters would vote for full legalization in 2020.

Morgan likens the shift in public attitudes to an avalanche.

“What’s happened with marijuana is like this. It’s like Gay marriage. Once upon a time gay marriage was no, no, no, no. then one day gay marriage is okay,” said Morgan. “I say this when an avalanche happens, it not just happens. A snowflake hits. It build and builds and and as snowflake his the snow. And then theres an avalanche. That’s what’s happening with all things marijuana in America.”

As for funding the drive, Morgan said he’s keeping his checkbook closed, choosing instead to bankroll a $15 minimum wage amendment.